The Saga…

It’s been ages since I posted; mainly because I started the huge, mind-boggling project of cleaning out my closets two weeks ago and there’s still just barely an end in sight. But it will be nice to have things (somewhat) organized. Eventually.

So last night, I’m driving home from work…

driving home

Now normally I am a bit of a speed demon, but when I’m driving late at night (it was about 11:30), I make sure to keep close to the speed limit, ’cause in this little town I have to drive through, the cops really don’t have much to do besides look for speeders. It’s one of those places where the sidewalks roll up at 9:00 p.m. and the only things moving after that are stray animals, cars passing through on their way to somewhere more interesting, and potted plants hanging on porches (and that’s only if it’s windy).

So I’m tooling along on the straight & narrow path, along with a couple of other cars, when suddenly I notice blue lights behind me. All three of us pull over to get out of his way, and the only thing I feel is mild surprise that something cop-worthy has apparently happened in this tiny, dead town for a change.

But then, WTH?!  He pulls in behind me! And I’m all like…


So the cop comes up to my window shining his big ol’ flashlight in my car and he’s looking at me like I’m possibly dangerous or tipsy…


…and asks for my license and registration. The first part is easy, my driver’s license is right there in the new fancy quilted fabric wallet I just bought at the Beall’s Outlet in this same little town about a month ago. The second part – well, not so much. I know my registration is in my glovebox somewhere, but I’ve never been asked for it before.  This was the first time a cop actually asked to see it, oddly enough, and I’ve been pulled over a lot.  And wouldn’t you know it, my glovebox is literally stuffed full of paper napkins and plastic forks from fast-food joints, oil change receipts, uh…certain lady things…OMG, it was embarrassing. Especially when he shined his light in there as I was digging around, and asked, “Does this help?” I was like, yeah, you can read the brand name on those wrappers now, thanks, that’s very helpful. (Gaaah!)

Finally I was able to produce a registration card – likely one of many that were layered in there like some miniature archealogical dig  – and handed it to him, asking, “Is this the right one?” The cop said, “This one is from 2006. But it will do.” (Thank goodness.) He then asked, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Normally I do know, because, as mentioned before, I’m a bit of a speed demon, but this time I had no clue. He tells me my tag light is out. I’m all like, “Oh, ha-ha! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised! I’ve lost a couple of dashboard lights lately; guess the car is just getting old!” (Ha…ha?) He tells me to “stay in the car, ma’am,” then he says he’ll be right back. And I’m all like, dang, he’s actually going to write me a ticket!  I don’t get tickets!  I always get out of tickets!  WTH?!!  And as it sunk in, I was all…


I mean, he could have just given me a verbal warning. It’s not like I knew the tag light was out and drove anyway on purpose. I’m not a professional driver; I don’t do a 12-point inspection of my car before I get in it!  Dang, why not go pick on a real criminal?!

These are my thoughts as he’s back there in his car writing the ticket – and taking forever about it, too. When he comes back, he explains that the fine is $78-something, at which point I’m like…


And he hurriedly says, “Oh no, don’t worry, it won’t be that much.” He then explains that I have three options. I can get the bulb changed within thirty days and pay a reduced fine (which he explains is something like $25), or I can pay the full fine (though only an idiot would do that), or I could contest the ticket in court. I consider that last option only briefly…

in court

…but then dismiss it immediately (get it? Dismiss?) because I know I wouldn’t stand a chance, and then I’d have to pay even more. So then the cop tells me that the $78 is actually wrong; the fines went up “just today” but because he forgot and used the “old form,” it was only $78. ONLY!!! I actually said out loud, “Gee. Isn’t this my lucky day.” And then I drove home and I was all like…

bad day

…and when I got home I left a note for my sleeping hubby to ask if he’d please buy me a tag light bulb on his way home from work today, and now the best part is going to be when he calls me this afternoon from work and gives me a hard time for getting pulled over.  (Because he will.  Despite that he’s had at least a dozen tickets in his driving career and this is only my second one!!!)

Okay, back to the closets…


2 Responses to “The Saga…”

  1. Lisa Says:

    I’m having to wipe tears out of my eyes to type this comment!! You have me ROFLOL!!! If a picture is worth a thousand words, then these illustrations to you story are priceless! (I love icanhazcheezeburger) I’m thinking you could print this out and show it to the judge and get your ticket dismissed for sure!!

  2. Marcy Says:

    OMG, I love the kitty pictures that go along with your cop story!!! The faces are too funny. I love them (kitties, not cops).

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